Journal E02 | Banis | Alone

(Written after Novaborn: Tale of Inpherna page 72)

Have you ever played a game you knew you were going to lose? Your dice has smaller numbers than everyone else’s and there’s nothing you can do to change it. That is how I have always felt.

Arlmund, the man who is my blood father, wants to train me to become Novaborn. And he shouldn’t know about that. At all!

My father asked me if I wanted to do it and he said it was my choice. But if Arlmund knows, who else knows? Soon everyone will be talking about the Tawiks. The cursed family. Their last child afraid to take on the responsibility.

Three kids at the start of the year and now only one. They don’t care what that has done to me. All they care about is how we look. I’m used to it, but I hate it. I’m the black haired boy in a group of redheads. The youngest too. They did the math.

I wish I could fit in. I have tried so hard for so long, but I can’t change how things really are. I don’t belong. Not here, not with Arlmund, not anywhere. I’m stuck in the middle and I’m alone. Well, not as alone as I would hope.

I have always enjoyed being alone. No judgement. No pressure. No watching eyes. Just a good book and my phoenix cat, Orowynn.

But now I have a permanent watcher. Zara the bodyguard. I don’t know much about her. Not that I care to know about her. The less I talk with her the better. She will be gone soon anyway once mom calms down.

I miss mom. We used to spend a lot of time together, but she has taken… everything pretty hard. She’s looking for answers anywhere she can. Trying to find a reason for all of this. I don’t know what she thinks she will find. Even if she finds all the causes, will that undo things?

Life is what it is and we can’t go back. We have to accept what the world is and work with it.

I think I will become Novaborn. Not for the council, but for me. Maybe I will run away too after that.

No. That’s not what I want. That was their dream.

I wish we had been closer. I wish we had gotten along better. I…

I have always had everything against me. I guess that’s just who I am.

– Banis

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